A ‘power greater than me’ got stronger yesterday – I was to meet with Dr. E the surgeon who was going to remove the dormant lymph node in my neck on the suggestion of Dr. N who had performed the cancer surgery along with the blessing of Dr. C my oncologist.  I perform the mandatory ‘hurry up and wait’ dance at The Odette Cancer Center.  Not their fault that things don’t run on time and like a lot of things there is nothing you can do about it anyway. 45 Minutes past my scheduled time I get called out and escorted to a room to await the news of my recent PET Scan (that’s a fancy CT Scan) which was to determine, prior to surgery, one last time to see if the cancer had spread.

Dr. E comes in the room with two younger doctors and introduces them as exchange Doctors from Brazil and Argentina, my mention at the time that neither of their countries have good soccer teams seemed to land on deaf ears, they either didn’t think it was funny (I did) or didn’t think it was true, either way no response from them. I’m nervous seeing three doctors there thinking that Dr E is going to show how you tell a patient them their cancer has spread.

Dr. E tells me the results of the PET Scan show no cancer anywhere in my body, he goes on to tell me the lymph node in my neck is just like all the others in my body no cancer.  I’m confused, I ask him how is it possible that I have gone from Stage Four Cancer to nothing.  I’m told that I am one of those ‘one in a million’ patients who respond so well to Chemo that the cancer is killed off.  I ask him ‘so I’m in remission?’ he says ‘no you have no cancer’.  He knows I want to cry, he can see it in my eyes, everyone goes quiet for a while allowing this to sink in, he shakes my hand and other than follow-up visits he tells me, you’re good to go, go celebrate.

So…. that’s it, no more cancer.

Close to a year, this has been going on, the last thing at night as I drift off to sleep I think of is cancer – I awaken to the more thoughts of cancer.  What a journey and experience this has been.  Months of chemotherapy, and from the start of those treatments feeling like crap for so long, just wanting to feel normal and not think about how sick I was.

Will I miss my cancer, no of course not, but most probably because of the outcome I can tell you I would do it again if I had to in a heartbeat.  I have learned so much about life and about myself more than I ever thought possible.  On this journey, I have met some of the most amazing people, been surrounded by incredible professionals who genuinely made my health and healing a priority.  Friends who called every single day just to check in to make sure I was good.  To My daughter Julie who is one of the strongest people I know, to my life partner Divina who loved me through all this and put order in the what was sometimes a chaotic life, even my cat George who seemed to know exactly when I need to hear him purr and sit on my lap. And once again to Bobby D who as I mentioned in a previous article told me 39 years ago ‘you’re going to be ok you know; Well Bobby you were right ‘we are all going to be ok’

Last but not least to Joy someone who has commented on my articles, someone I have never met who mentioned that my articles had been an inspiration. From someone like me who used to be (and sometimes can still be) self-centered to an extreme it’s nice to know that these writings have helped other people.  I started this written journey to help me deal with my cancer – it seems it grew into something greater than that, for once I’m grateful it wasn’t just about me, it was about life.

My Professional heroes:

Dr. Susanna Yee-Shan Cheng, MD, FRCPC
Medical Oncologist
Assistant Professor
Odette Cancer Centre
Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre